What defiles the Marriage bed?

Whew, child, this topic is needed whether you’re married or dating! Hebrews 13: 4 says marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled, but fornicators and adulterers, God will judge.

Signs healing is needed or that you may need help:

Abuse occurring (Physical, Sexual, or emotional)

Past Abuse

Intrusive thoughts or fixations

Uncontrollable urges

Depression or anxiety

What defiles the marriage bed? 

First, let’s look at what undefiled means. The Greek form of this word is only used four times in the New Testament. It means uncontaminated and set apart. 

Then what is not okay? Or What can cause a marriage bed to become defiled? 

Adultery. 1 Thessalonians 4 3:4 calls adultery a sin,  this includes things like spouse swapping. Some individuals consent to this for various reasons. Perhaps one reason is to explore and not be tied down sexually; however, this is considered adultery. 

Jesus also says if you look at a woman (or man) to Lust For Her, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Whatever you begin to meditate on is what begins to grow roots and leads to actions. That’s why the scripture also tells us to guard our hearts because the issues of life flow out of it. Whatever we meditate on is magnified in our hearts and can create an issue in our marriage. 

This would even include sexual fantasies about other people, even if this is mutually done.  This is an Insidious seed of lust that grows into something we can explore in the next point. 

Threesomes. Threesomes are more than two people who are engaged in sexual intercourse. Many times people don’t just say one day, “Hmmm, I want to have a threesome.” This comes from what one has been meditating on and the result of being led by one’s flesh instead of the spirit. God created marriage and sex. When he said the threefold cord is not quickly broken, he included himself in it and did not mean for us to include somebody else.

Yesterday I talked about Soul ties. So again, there is a cord that is created spiritually, in our intimacy. If that third cord is connected with God, the marriage is not quickly broken and can endure and last. However, many marriages quickly divorce because God is not at the center, and the couple is not connected to God.

 I’ve seen marriages deteriorate and become distorted and perverted due to threesomes. It creates spiritual bondage and mental and emotional exhaustion and anguish.  

Virtual adultery or pornography. I’ve known of couples who engaged in pornography because they wanted to spice things up in their marriage, and it can create an unfair comparison. Pornography leads to the defilement of the marriage bed.  I’ve seen testimonies of the individuals who have come out of that industry. When they were in that industry, they appeared happy on set but abused drugs in order to perform. It took days to create those clips. They have experienced some form of sexual trauma or molestation in the past. and they were suffering from anxiety and depression. Some were also forced even to watch pornography or participate in certain things when they were younger. 

There’s a scripture that talks about The eye as the gate to the body being full of light. if the light comes in through the eyes, then the whole body will be full of light, but if the eye is evil , the whole body will be full of Darkness. (Matthew 6:22-23).

So the result of setting your eyes on these images creates an exchange and transaction of becoming full of what your eyes are consuming. Suddenly there’s a need for more of those things. Suddenly, it’s hard to become satiated or satisfied. Suddenly, addictions begin to develop. Uncontrollable urges begin to develop. Anxiety and depression begin to develop. Some of us may have started this at a younger age or been introduced to it by someone, leading to an unhealthy mindset and behavior. The good news is that healing and transformation are possible!

Rape.         Many individuals misconstrue 1 Corinthians 7: 2-5, which discusses the bodies belonging to each other. People may think that rape only occurs outside of marriage. However, rape is the lack of consent, which can happen in or outside marriage.  Even God has given us free will because true love does not control us. Therefore it’s not godly to have coercive sex. Those scriptures discuss the husband and wife satisfying and serving each other in marriage. It taught us about pleasuring each other in marriage, which is the key to keeping things spicy. 😉      

Many of us have experienced trauma and have even had traumatic teachings about sex that often leave us feeling confused or shameful. However, it’s beautiful in marriage. The key is to allow God to be at the forefront of our courtship/dating and marriage. 

Signs healing is needed or that you may need help:

Abuse occurring (Physical, Sexual, or emotional)

Past Abuse

Intrusive thoughts or fixation

Uncontrollable urges

Depression or anxiety

Feel free to reach out if you have experienced any abuse and need help in your healing process/ mindset!

30 Day Pray for your spouse Book: https://www.amazon.com/Day-Pray-Your-Spouse…/dp/1952312787

God is faithful and can restore anything when we yield to him. I also credit Pastor Vlad, who provided much insight while researching this topic. 

Signed. Sealed. Delivered.

Coach M