Is He the One?

 Is he the one?

 This question comes across many of my clients’ minds who are dating and want to settle down. Some of them have experienced bad relationships and breakups, and want to be sure that they are not wasting their time. Others have little experience with relationships and are unsure how to navigate this arena.

However, What I have noticed is that there seems to be this go-with-the-flow approach or Behavior,  that leads many clients to Disappointment and feeling depleted with the dating process overall.

Here are some of the nuances that I have picked up.   

“By the second or third date, he seems to want to take things further.”  “I’m trying to be nice because that is a part of my personality, however, it seems like he is interpreting those signals as me wanting to be physical.”  “I want to just enjoy the date, without being touched or kissed without my consent.”  “My gut is telling me that I don’t want to go on another date, but what if I I’m cutting off the one.” “I’m afraid of being too judgmental, to the point I miss out on an opportunity.”  “I’m feeling friend vibes with him, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings.”  “It seems that I have to be physical if I want to date. “

 Yeah, I have been there. I remember forcing myself to go to prom with someone that I did not like, nor was I even attracted to him. I just wanted to be nice. I remember him telling me, “I just want to kiss you.” I remember thinking to myself “Why in the world would you think I would let you.” I certainly did not give off the notion that I was interested in any type of physical advancement. We did not text prior to him asking me to prom. We did not talk on the phone. We did not hang out at school. Nor did we do any of these things after.  Even in this example, I realized the importance of not just going with the flow.  No matter what your reason is, the flow can lead to anywhere and the destination of where that flow may go may not be somewhere you actually want to be.

 The flow can lead to you being touched in a way that you don’t want to be touched. the flow can lead to intimacy, in a way that wasn’t your intention. the flow could lead to a hookup That leaves spiritual hooks in you and the form of a soul tie. the flow could lead to emotional damage.

 It is important to have boundaries, as boundaries keep you headed in a direction that is conducive to a healthy relationship and establishment.  If your goal is to settle down with the right one,  discretion, and discernment are needed early on.

 Why do we lack discretion and discernment at times, and instead just go with the flow?

 Many times this is due to not healing from past traumas or past wounds.  We then jump from one relationship to the next, thinking that it is going to be the solution. However, instead of moving towards healthy, I’m just A hurt person moving.  Moving away from one bad situation to another version of it.

These are the questions I would ask you: 

Are there relationships in your past that you have not gotten over yet? Are you struggling with your self-worth? Do you have a fear of setting boundaries or saying no? Do you feel that maintaining a relationship even though you have seen red flags is better than being lonely? 

 If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, I would say that you are not ready for dating BUT you are ready for development. And as you develop and grow, so will your discernment and discretion.

There  Is a scripture that says to delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4.  When you delight yourself in him this is the process of him developing you for that desire. If you had the desire before you were ready,  that desire can turn into a detriment emotionally and spiritually. God is Love and the ultimate source of it.  As you get to know him, you get to know his love for you and this helps you heal and change how you see yourself.

Delighting yourself in him is you becoming full of him. It is the manifestation of his DNA inside of you. Where we Dive into God. Neutralize those negative beliefs and Activate power and purpose. As a result, there is a new standard because he has truly satisfied the hunger and thirst in your soul, that no one can actually fill. Why can no one else fill it? Because He is the standard.

Then the standard in you, is what selects. Have you ever heard those sayings real recognizes real, the spirit bears witness with another spirit. the Deep calleth unto the deep. As a result of your growth, the standard that you will have for yourself will help you select your future spouse versus settling For temporary satisfaction. 

Signs that show you’re ready:

  1. You know your value.

 2. You’re not afraid to say no.

 3. You’re not afraid to have boundaries.

 4. You’re okay with walking away from someone who doesn’t have the same values as you do.

5. You’re not operating from a scarcity mentality, because you know that if you have the desire, God has designed it and the one is there for you.

6. You are patient, purposeful, and financially stable. 

7. You know what Love looks like, because you know God.

I was speaking with my husband about this and he said what would be the advice you’d give them.

  If you’re struggling with not knowing how to handle someone’s disappointment or you don’t want them to feel bad because you said no this is the advice I’d give you.

Coach M’s advice:

  1. Being nice isn’t just about saying yes. Being nice includes assertiveness and boundaries and saying no.
  2. Realize that you are not responsible for how somebody sees themself. Proverbs 23:7 says such as a man thinketh in his heart so is he.
  3. Your no doesn’t diminish their value.
  4.  Realize that seeing other people disappointed is something that we grew up trying to avoid. Many of us were taught and groomed to focus on making people happy through our Behavior, getting good grades, Etc. In this case, give yourself permission to be uncomfortable even if they are disappointed with your no or with your boundaries because their disappointment in response to your NO, did not come from a bad place. 

Do you need support? Are you ready to Define your DNA? 

Signed. Sealed. Delivered.

 Coach M

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