Are you feeling Ashamed about your past?

What parts of you are you hiding? 

The online definition of intimacy is defined as close familiarity or friendship, closeness like the intimacy between a husband and wife. 

I was listening to a teaching one day and heard intimacy being broken down as (into me, I see).

The inner parts of you that only God and you know about.

 The parts of you that you may show to a select few and The parts of you that remain hidden or have closed off.

We often lack intimacy in our relationships due to the fear of being vulnerable because of past hurts and disappointments we have experienced.

We’re often carrying shame and secrets from the past due to the fear of being rejected by those closest to us, whether in the courtship process or in marriage.

I remember dating my spouse and being in this honeymoon-like stage.

 Everything seemed fine as long as we stayed above the surface. I was afraid to go deeper because of The pressure I placed on myself to appear a certain way or to maintain a certain image. If he knew certain things about me, would he stay? If he knew my sexual history would he want to be with me? I remember having accusers tell me that I was a statistic because I had a child. They told me no one would want me. Therefore I had these messages plaguing me  and replaying in my mind.

 Not knowing the answers to these questions led me to lie about certain parts of my past because I wasn’t sure if he would accept that part of me. However, This was a part of me that the Holy Spirit knew quite well, as there was no hiding from God. I felt a (Submarine) deep conviction in the inward parts of me, which led me to be honest. So I told him everything in stages.

It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t easy. There were tears.  I was anxious. I sweated. My mascara was all over the place.  I didn’t know if we could have a future.

Nevertheless, within a couple of weeks of being boldly honest, I felt relief. I knew it was less about him accepting me and more about me releasing the shame I had been carrying in various parts of myself. It was about me accepting myself and learning to see myself the way God sees me.

 As long as you are lying to yourself and carrying shame in any part of you due to what you have been through, you are not walking in completeness or wholeness. Also, it will create a barrier to building intimacy later on. 

 It truly takes faith and courage To decide that parts of you don’t have to remain hidden in the past. If parts of you are still hiding in your past relationships or past hurts, less of you is available for the present or future. 

How can you enjoy the now if your attention, or even some of it,  is parked in the past?

Additionally, I didn’t want him to love one part of me or the part of me that appeared to be perfect. I wanted him to choose to love all of me and the parts that I now revealed.

He could have left, and that would have been just fine.  What was most important was loving myself because God loves me unconditionally. 

 I think about the woman who was about to be stoned. All over, her accusers stood there holding stones, so ready to cast them at her. Jesus drew in the sand and said those without sin cast a stone. Nobody could. He looked at the woman and said, “Where are your accusers?” We often place others on a pedestal, not realizing that they are not perfect either. They have a past. They have sinned. They may not admit it. But the scripture says, “All have sinned and come short of his glory.”

We become afraid, thinking that we have to run away from the words and accusations that people may have for us if they were to know what we’ve been through, what we’ve done, and the mistakes we’ve made. However, as you can see in this example, the permission to be free and love who you are comes with being forgiven by Jesus Christ and accepting his love for you. it doesn’t come from a man or woman. It starts with him and begins with your acceptance of his love for you. Invite God into the intimate places and inward parts of you that you have closed off. if you need help with this, don’t hesitate to ask me how. 

 Mark 5:34 Jesus said unto her daughter, thy faith had made the whole; go in peace, and whole of thy plague.

Therefore, we should aim for wholeness for our peace of mind so that we are not plagued by shame,  fear, or the past.

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Signed. Sealed. Delivered.

Coach M